New Motto

I read a LOT of blogs. Okay, maybe not that many. But so many of them are written by women who are married with young kids or well, at least one kid usually or about to have a kid. Recently, I added a few bloggers to my "must read" list who are actually single (ie: dating, not married, and no children). I had a few of these in my list before but now I have more and it is lovely.

One such blogger is Sarah from He Loves Me Not.

My new motto will be:

"I wasn't going to fight for someone that isn't confident in wanting me."

Go over there and read where that came from.

That, for me, was a light bulb moment. Now, I'm not going through that right now. It's been two months since my last relationship ended. A relationship that lasted 16 months. A relationship where I thought we would get married because we loved each other that much. Except, due to issues he has had for 18 years he does not see himself ever being married. So, suddenly I was launched back into the single and looking world. Fine. It's been two months and I'm not quite ready to date yet but each day I feel a bit better about it. I'm not as terrified. The idea of dating doesn't make me sick to the stomach. I'm not so worried that the first time I kiss a new guy, that I will start crying. This was a solid concern of mine for much of the last 8 weeks. It's tough when you didn't think you'd EVER be in that position again. So, really, I found Sarah's blog at just the right moment in my life I think (I started reading her blog about a month before the break up).

So, as I ready myself for this whole dating and meeting guys thing...this is a good light bulb moment. I will not be fighting for a guy that isn't confident in wanting me. That will now be my mantra.

Other mantra: no dating guys who can't, within the first few dates, tell me whether marriage and babies are something they want. They HAVE to say it is something they want. Not just nod their head when I say it is something I want. That didn't work out too well for me last time. Just saying (see: 16 months, ugh).

Anyway, that is all.

2011

We're 6 days into 2011 and I've been spending a lot of time thinking about things I would like to accomplish this year. I need to stress though that these are NOT New Year's resolutions. Anyway, here we go:

1. Continue working with my Naturopath. I've been seeing a naturopath for a few weeks, so it's still pretty new but I'd like to continue with that. Over the last three weeks I have noticed an improvement with my stomach. We didn't really change much at all but I think that's key to being able to continue with it. Small changes over a longer time frame. Already he's given me confidence that what is going on with my stomach is NOT okay and that I deserve to have it seen by a specialist who can and will rule out some serious conditions.

2. Travel a bit. Nothing far and wide. The boy can't leave Canada since he doesn't have a passport since he isn't a Canadian citizen, but a mere landed immigrant for the last 30 years. Anyway, so my travel goals will be to visit a friend in Edmonton, a friend in Summerland (hello Wine tours!), and head back to my home of two years, Vancouver. It would also be nice to knock off a destination I haven't ever visited so let's say Montreal. However, should the boy get his passport soon then hopefully we can visit a few american destinations as well. We've talked about Minnesota and Texas (was Texas? or some neighbouring state?). I'd also like to head to California for a wine tour. He's been (pre-passport rules for land border crossings) before but why not go again, right?

3. Find a job that ISNT a contract job. I'd like to work in the same job for more than a pre-determined time frame. This is mostly because I'd like to buy a condo or house next winter and I won't feel comfortable doing that if I don't have a longer term job. I'm hoping I find this job before April, here's hoping!!
3B. Hopefully this job will cross me over into the corporate world because dude, pay in the charity world sucks. I love having a dogooder job, but at some point I'd like to work on the other side (in a do-gooder type role, of course).

4. Continue to be madly in love with my boy.

5. Buy a house (or condo). This is something that is really important to me. I know it probably won't happen before December however, it needs to be on the list now because it is a goal that I am working towards. I don't want anything fancy, preferably something that I can make my own but that isn't a money pit. The boy lives out of town. I drive out there a few days a week. Because of his work, he won't ever move to the city but it's also really not feasible for me to commute every day and I don't want to live with my parents forever so house it is.

6. Continue and hopefully get really really close to paying off my school loans. That would be lovely. And that's the plan. I'll hopefully have the vast majority of it out of the way by year's end. Finally. YAY!!

As you can see, these are all lofty goals. Okay, maybe 4 isn't that lofty. But as such, I don't have room to list off things like "work out more" or "insert other thing here". Not that I won't be doing these things but I think this will be my major list. Maybe in a month or two I'll come up with a more fun list :)

Sometimes you just can't entirely explain things....

I think I'm feeling slightly insecure and I'm not entirely certain why. I have a few hunches, which I'll be discussing with my special someone because sometimes just talking things through can help immensely. It should be noted that my hunches aren't entirely to do with him. He hasn't done anything wrong or anything to upset me at all. He's a good boy :)